The saying goes, "The darkest hour is just before dawn." And Psalms 30:5 promises that "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." Lord, when is morning coming? I feel like I've been in a month of night. I've never been plagued by such persistent feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. I've never felt so continuously lonely.
Did I make a mistake in accepting this position? Am I being tested, refined? Will I be pure gold when this is over? Or am I being chastised for stepping outside Your Will for my life? Lord, I'm here for at least a year. I can't take a year of night. A month has been almost more than I can handle.
Lord, I feel an absence of hope and joy in my life. I can't bring myself to believe that that is what You would have for me. How can I be a light if there is no light in me? If I am in such despair, where is my faith? If I don't have faith, how can I please You?
Lord, increase my faith. I am not sufficient for the task ahead. But Your grace is sufficient for me, for Your strength is made perfect in my weakness.
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
~Romans 5:1-5 (NKJV)
